We all know the feeling. The feeling of comfort we have in a relationship that’s going terribly wrong. Yet we always seem to claim, “Oh no, everything’s fine! We’re just going through a rough patch.” Right…

It’s absolutely nuts, but lots of us fall into this seemingly never-ending pit of doom (we break up, 2 days later we’re back together, we’re still unfulfilled, repeat). Why do we feel so comfortable with someone who’s so wrong for us?
Because, believe it or not, you may have been around one or many of the characteristics this guy possesses for your whole life. Ever since we were tots, our subconscious has essentially been programed to believe the traits or behaviors our dad (yep, Daddy issues) possesses are normal, even if in reality, he’s a psycho serial killer (just kidding, kind of).

Now don’t get me wrong, we’re comforted by our dad’s unhealthy as well as healthy traits and behaviors. But it’s good to be able to discern between the two when taking charge of our love lives.

The feeling of familiarity you may have with these behaviors drives you to attach yourself to a partner who resembles your original caregiver. For most people, the first person of the opposite sex they’re exposed to is their father. He builds the foundation for what we believe to be a “normal” opposite sex relationship, especially between the ages of 0 and 5. This age range is critical in the development of a child’s attachment, personality, etc. Dad builds this opposite sex foundation through interactions with us, our mother, and other females.

So if you’re wondering why you always end up dating the same guy in a different costume, this might be it. If you look back on the relationships you loved but were so darn frustrated with, think about why each relationship was frustrating and why you were so in love with each ex. If you see a pattern, try to remember if your dad possesses these same unhealthy behavior patterns.
If you’re able to recognize the commonalities between your dad and your exes, you have the power to change the way you date. You’ll know which behaviors and personality traits are bad for you in a relationship. From here, you can keep an eye out for those red flags and eliminate the people who are waving them. This may be difficult at first, but realize that sometimes, change is good. Even though it may be uncomfortable, you’ll be that much closer to finding Mr. Right.